Dear Johan,
I thought I’d tell you the story of meeting the enlightened guy.
I got hired to lead an immersion at a modern monastery in Vermont. It was an interesting mix of characters. It kind of resonated like a place for kids who wouldn’t join the military but still needed to grow up.
The teacher was there and the head student, my friend, asked me to circle him as a kind of way of checking me out.
I was informed that if I got up early enough I could also have a “meeting” where he would give me spiritual guidance.
I got up and we all meditated together for about 30 or 45 minutes and then I and the other newer visitors were ushered to a different room to wait our turn for the meeting.
I waited and when it was my turn I was led into the room.
There was a beautiful peace there.
I sat down and he said,
“Meditation is watching the breath. Do you?”
“When I’m graced with remembering,” I replied.
He nodded assent and then said,
“The zen masters say, ‘Nothing is better than something. But it’s not an empty nothing.”
I immediately saw an image of my boyfriend T in my mind. I immediately imagined he (enlightened guy) was telling me to let go, that the image was not actually T. And I saw a little flame burn the image to ash.
And a single tear rolled down my cheek.
And a strange silver fire appeared in my vision. It was alive and cool and more than refreshing.
Watching me he said,
“You see.”
And then,
“Do you have any questions?”
“No. Thank you,” I replied.
He nodded.
I got up and left.
30 minutes later when he was done with the meetings I joined him again in a different room.
He was different there. He let me know that we would have less time than planned because he had to do a lot of work to keep the monastery running. He seemed frustrated and still peaceful.
He said, “I’d rather sit but it’s a good thing to do things that help, right?”
I laughed. Yes.
I told him we should begin and began focusing on him, sharing what it was like to be with him.
First he wondered what demarcated the beginning. He couldn’t tell we had started,
As we continued he said, “Is circling just not cleaning up the mess before you share it?”
“That’s pretty true,” I admitted.
I kept going.
I was using what I call “tools”. Reflective listening. Sharing impact.
I like tools not because they work but because as we use them we more clearly see their limits and we can shed them as they use and lose their utility.
My tools lost their utility quickly and I went to rest in truth by saying,
“Normally I receive people’s experiences, hold them, and then show them back to the person but…I can’t hold your experience.”
He coolly replied,
“I can’t either.”
In that moment it was like the whole world shattered and all that was, was beaming incomparable compassion upon us.
Compassion for our limits and our inabilities to stop trying.
It was beautiful.
We spent the rest of the session laughing like 12 year olds. It felt like I made a friend.
At the end he asked me, “Is circling just about feeling feelings? I don’t like that if it is…lots of cultures don’t put so much weight on feelings.”
I replied, “In this country, with the suppression of feelings being so strong, the unveiling of them seems to be a path that many people will have to walk. But no, circling is merely about being-with.”
He nodded approval and we ended.
Loving writing to you,
Mike
